Food doesn't fix stress...

So I found myself getting very stressed out this afternoon, mainly about money, and I instantly thought about going to my kitchen and grabbing food and lots of it. First I stopped myself and said "how on earth is that going to make this any better?" and second I acknowledged the fact that that was my immediate response and decided to share it on here. I think that although I am an all emotions eater, stress is the one emotion I almost always tend to turn towards food and once again, lots of it! In all reality its a never ending cycle too because I get stressed out because of money, work, relationships, etc. And then I turn to food, which in turn just causes more stress because I gained weight, I ate all the food and therefore have to buy more, or I guilt trip myself and make myself feel like crap.

I need to end this cycle and recognizing this behavior is the first step.

First Gain...

So this week was my first gain since I started weight watchers back in July and in true Brooke fashion it was a go big or go home sorta gain. I gained over 6lbs this week. Now I knew I would have a slight gain due to not counting my calories, eating out seven times, meds that mess with my digestive system and I also didn't drink enough water. All of this is a recipe for disaster when it comes to the weight loss game. I didn't, however, think it would be THAT high of a gain, but needless to say it wasn't a huge shocker.

This week I know that I can and will lose a good majority of that weight that I gained if not more, but it was still a hard pill to swallow. Lately it has seemed harder than usual. My hunger is also higher it seems, but I know I can do this, just got to keep on counting :) wish me luck!

Down, deeper and deeper...

Lately I haven't really been feeling it. It being, well everything. It seems this week has been harder than normal for me to make healthy choices. Choosing the right snack. Pushing play on my fitness DVDs. Ordering the healthier option while eating out. Nothing has seemed easy and I know life isn't easy, but it usually isn't this hard either.

I had a great weekend away with my hubby this past weekend. It was our 4 year wedding anniversary last week and my parents gave us a hotel stay about 2 hours away. Josh had his police testing this weekend so they got us a hotel near the testing location, which was super awesome of them, but this also involved a LOT of eating out! Since last Wednesday we have ate out 7 times. Holy shit! SEVEN times! I must also admit that those 7 times I didn't chose the healthiest option, no wonder I am feeling like crap. Wow! Pizza, fries, chocolate, burgers and so on! This has got to stop!

I have my weigh in tomorrow night and of all nights that I chose to binge is tonight, the night before a weigh in. Come on! How stupid is that? My day was going well from an eating standpoint, until dinner hit, which wasn't a healthy dinner, but then I had one of those nights where you eat everything in sight. Omg just thinking about what I did tonight makes me sick. Ice cream, fruit roll up, popcorn (WITH BUTTER), cookies... I am a mess! I wouldn't be surprised if I have a gain tomorrow of 5 pounds! It will be a shocker if it is any less than that. Now I know this whole post has seemed very negative and I am sorry for that, but this is how I am feeling right now. Not to mention when I am down and already feeling like crap I tend to think of things that bring me more down. Things I may have said or done wrong in the past. Things I regret or I am not happy about, which bring me even further down and it is just a recipe for disaster. I must get some sleep before I think of more ways to bring/put myself down! Trust me, I know things aren't as bad as they seem right now. I know that I will lose whatever I gained this week next, but right now at this very second I am down and seriously want to cry. Just sharing - that's what this is all about right? Goodnight!

Alcohol is not your friend..

So... I rarely drink and i rarely drink to the point that I am drunk, but on Saturday I drank to that point. I had a great night though, but realized yesterday when I was sitting down waiting for my doctor appt. and trying to figure out the points value for my drinks I remember having on Saturday at least, that alcohol is not your friend when you are trying to lose weight. I'm not stupid, I knew all along that it isn't healthy for you in large quantities, nothing really is, but I didnt realize exactly how far past my points I drank. Mind you I was being stupid and didnt chose the healthiest option of drink. I know what matters most is that I had a great time at my cousins wedding and I have no regrets, except for not counting for my drinks in advance. And to be this foolish on a weekend after a week of holidays where I can admit I ate over my points pretty much daily. Silly Brooke! Well Sunday was a new day, but I slipped up there. Then Monday was a new day and I got my ass back on track. Counted, grocery shopped and even busted out an intense workout, which I also did today :) just goes to show you that you are never too far down the wrong path to turn around and start heading the right way again. Like they say, you never fail until you stop trying.

Tomorrow is weigh in and yes I am scared. I am assuming there will be a gain, but I am not certain how much or little of one. Only time will tell, but regardless I will lose it again next week or the week following that. I will not give up on me again!

Sidenote: this is my cousin and his beautiful bride on their wedding day :) love you guys!

Holidays...

This week I have been up at our family cottage. It is so quiet and peaceful up here, except for when the cottagers one over from us decide to have a go back to school party involving a bunch of 20ish year olds. But they are gone and all is peaceful again. I love it up here and I wish I could live here. The winters would suck that's for sure, but it would be worth it overall. To be honest we haven't really done a whole lot, which is awesome. It's a little chilly to do most of what we would normally do. Right now though, as I sit at the lake writing my blog I am feeling the warmth of the morning sun, knowing that today will be a warmer day than most. Hopefully we can get to those activities that mainly involve swimming today then.

I wanted to apologize for not being very active on here, YouTube or twitter, but with me holidays I wanted to relax and enjoy it 100%.

When I comes to eating I have been counting(ish) my points, but I have been over. I'm ok with it, but still feel slightly guilty. I'll work it off again when I get back though! I do notice that when one thing slacks so do the others. Healthy eating goes, so does water intake and so on. Got to keep at it regardless of where I am in life, part of the lifestyle change right?

Columbiana...

Just watched Columbiana tonight. I love those revenge flicks and then what made this movie even better was that it was revenge given by a hot chick. What more could you want? Now I must say that it isn't exactly the best revenge movie I have ever seen and it doesn't even compare to it's brother "Taken", which was #1 in my books, it was still very entertaining. The fight scenes, although unnecessarily sped up, were kick ass. I would recommend this movie for sure, but not a must see in theaters flick.